Dipping My Toes In Foreign Waters - Polyamory
December 3, 2007
I’m a pretty traditional guy when it comes to relationships. When I was single I was a serial monogamist. I’m a lot of things…but I’m no cheater. I wish I could say it’s because I’m a virtuous person, with the wisdom and equipoise to rise above such base desires. That’s not true though. If I am any archetypal character, it is Hedonismbot (ok, not an archetype, but a nichey, kitschy pop reference). No, I don’t cheat because I’m not hardwired for it. I’m born that way, like hemophiliacs and homosexuals (no connection between the two, btw. I just like the flow of words.)
I’m an intimacy whore. That’s my ultimate fetish. I want to connect with you. Yes, I’ll make you cum (a lot, you dirty slut) but the whole time, I’ll be psychically probing for your tell, that little clue you drop on the way to O-town; then I’ll try to get in your bubble. Why? Ask Jung, Freud, or Reich. The point is that no matter how adventurous and kinky I am, and even though I work in porn, sometimes with naked young women with issues, it never crosses my mind to stray. It’s weird, I know.
All this info is setting the stage for what happened this past week. It’s a first, not only for my marriage, but my life. I, the Marky D. Sade pushed my boundaries, and stepped outside my comfort zone. There’s a man with whom I work that my wife has been enamored with (carnally) for months. One of those lust at first sight deals. He’s black, Cuban, really cool, and just gorgeous. Well, this is lame and trite and very Dr. Phil, but… as I say almost every week, my wife, Catalina is my best friend, soulmate, Yin to my Yang… and we talked about said co worker joining us in bed, and it drove Catalina wild every time. So, I planned a little something for her upcoming birthday.
Mr. F (let’s call him that, ok?) and I spoke about Catalina’s infatuation. Now, we’re both porn writers, me fetish and he mainstream, so there’s a certain candor that’s acceptable. Long story short, he’s down for the birthday threesome. Now, I can’t stress enough how hot this man is. I would fuck him… and I might, but that’s another post. 
Catalina knew I was speaking to Mr. F. She was chatting with him as well, from work. Nothing inappropriate, just chatting, flirting and getting along.
I wanted to give Catalina a gift, because she’s been working her little bottom off, making $$$ for the family. So, I wanted to give her Mr.F for a little rendezvous. Catalina has a blog of her own, two actually, and she had posted a fantasy about Mr. F that I wanted to give her. It involved her walking into Mr. F’s home, taking him into his bedroom, and sucking him off. Once he came, she would come home and fuck the hell out of me, and I’d make her a good girl again. Crazy hot, but…. I was a little unsettled, insecure, jealous, mainly because of two issues.
1.) Mr. F is magically hot. He’s african/cuban, tall strong, and of course (as I found out later) his cock is enormous. I am white, forty, and Irish. This is basic human insecurity. He’s crazy hot. I’m simply dazzling.
2.) I am a default monogamist. Deep in my core I equate monogamy with good/right/virtue/safe/love. The thought of Catalina sucking another man’s cock (w/o me involved) gave me great anxiety. It’s odd, because we have had a threesome w/ a male friend of ours, and another with a female, and both were just fine. It was the thought of me not being there… I was terrified that things would change, that she’d want an affair, and an open marriage, and we’d lose our intimacy and connection… or we’d simply fall apart and get divorced. Crazy shit. Scary. (irrational, ultimately, but understandable, right?)
So, I did lots of thinking, reflecting, and self examination (involving my nuts and a mirror… kidding.) Catalina and I have always bee in sync, but in this area we differ. Anyway…Last week, my sweet Catalina stopped by and saw Mr. F. She sucked his (huge) cock and made him cum twice. And then she came home and told me all about while I fucked her and made her mine again. The sky didn’t fall. She still loves me. We’re as close as we ever were, and she’s very grateful for the experience.
Her birthday is Christmas Day. I think I know what to get her. 
The two of us are going to fuck her silly.
What I ask you is…Is there anything, sexually, that gives you jitters? Anything that pushes a button and makes you go AHHH?
Have you pushed boundaries, and returned to tell the tale?
Do you think we’re evil sinners who have tainted the sacrament of marriage?
Do you want to be my birthday present?
My 40th birthday is in January, and I would LOVE another woman to join my wife in fucking me over the hill.
Filed under: Kinky Thinky, Sexy Writing |
My EX-wife and I were constantly pushing boundries it was a constant one up-ing each other. The thing was we did not know when to stop and it ended up with a nasty separation.
My current partner is one who believes the same things I do in keeping things one on one. That does not mean that we do not have some outrageous fantasies….but with my own experience fantasies for some reason always work out better as a fantasy then when it happens in the real world. But thats just me.
I appreciate the caveat. I don’t get a sense of competition with us. We really are close, and open. It’s just now that polyamory is even on the table. The thing that means all the difference, to me, is that she hasn’t, and won’t pursue anything without my knowledge, and ok. So, last week’s episode w/ Mr. F. hasn’t opened any Pandora’s box. This isn’t a case of awakening sexuality, or mid life crises (maybe a little), but more like a time in our lives where this is where our focus and energies lie. I write bondage and fetish porn for a living. Things come up. My wife has a very successful sexy blog of her own (in my blogroll, Catalinaloves.com) so… this is much more likely to come up in this context than say, if I were a welder, and she a Sunday school teacher.
I’m treading lightly, but feeling more secure all the time. I tend to react poorly, initially, but adapt very well.
Thank you for your time, and your comment.
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Nice post, I love the sentiment, and the fact you’d do this for Catalina.
Oh and the Photo at the top is totally hot.
Polyamory is such an elastic concept that it covers this situation, but could as easily be replaced by hotwifery and others. If she’s in love with Mr. F. then I think it applies. If it’s just NSA sex, then I’m not sure. I’ve been working this out for some time, as you already know.
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Hey there -
A couple of things - you asked:
“Is there anything, sexually, that gives you jitters? Anything that pushes a button and makes you go AHHH?”
Oh yes, when my relationship with my primary partner was newer and he started a new relationship that included sex and/or romance, I got jittery about how the emotional and sexual involvement might impact our relationship, even though I’m a commited polyamorist.
“Have you pushed boundaries, and returned to tell the tale?”
Yes, I fairly frequently do so. Jealousy sometimes happens, but that’s normal. We polyfolk don’t consider it a dealbreaker - we just communicate and express our feelings, accommodate each other until it is resolved.
“Do you think we’re evil sinners who have tainted the sacrament of marriage?”
Hardly - I’m a polyamory advocate.
I don’t mean to put down living out fantasies, that’s an entirely legit form of sexual expression. However, it isn’t polyamory. Polyamory is the practice of conducting more than one romantic ongoing relationship at a time with the full consent of all involved. Now, if your wife and Mr. F were to fall in love and you consented to their spending time together regularly doing more than fucking, *that* would be polyamory instead of polyfuckery.
“Do you want to be my birthday present?
My 40th birthday is in January, and I would LOVE another woman to join my wife in fucking me over the hill. ”
Probably not, but thanks for the invitation. I’m not wired to have sex with people with whom I don’t have an emotional connection. but I do hope you get to celebrate with two women, especially if they both love you - THAT is an intensely powerful sexual and emotional experience not to be missed.
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My ex-wife and I had several three-ways with two different women. The first was a perfect scenario. She lived with us and the three of us had sex on several occasions. There was never any jealousy or alienation because no one was competing for any one else’s affection. The roommate just enjoyed the sex but didn’t want to be in a relationship with either one of us. It worked out well and there were never any negative effects as a result of it. The second girl came several years later and that ended up being a very different experience. We had a few threeways and pretty soon they were having sex constantly when I was around. Long story short we’ve been divorced for nearly five years and the two of them are still together. I have lots of theories about what went wrong there. I think it can be attributed to two main factors.
1) There was an obvious spark between them from day one and we should have put a stop to it there
2) I don’t believe they ever should have had sex without me around
Your Dr Phil types would argue that it was doomed from the start simply because we were bringing others into our bed to begin with but I don’t buy that.
My current girlfriend and I both want to have a threeway with a man but both of us are very apprehensive about it, probably her moreso than me. We’re not interested in a threeway relationship, only sex. I certainly would not be comfortable with the two of them having sex without me around or really doing anything together beyond perhaps chat and email. My only concerns are these, would she feel as though I value her less because I’m willing to let her suck/fuck another man and I’m sure she is concerned for me getting jealous/hurt either during or after the fact.
I am confident that I will not be hurt or jealous. I’m quite turned on at the idea actually. Either way, at this point it remains a fantasy for both of us. Perhaps later down the road though…
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